What to do? (RP with abbytude)

[fey_fire]

God help me, this is agony. For both of us.

Rory sat by the bed, watching the slow rise and fall of Pippa's breathing. His lover slept deeply, but it was the sleep of exhaustion rather than true rest. Last night he'd soothed and rocked her after another scream-inducing nightmare, then comforted her through the tears and self-recriminations that followed. Stupid, useless, a burden ... every word tore at his heart, but all he could offer were embraces she felt she didn't deserve and reassurances she didn't believe.

He couldn't even sing her to sleep. Not even hum. Not after what he'd done to her with Rory's own music.

Love was supposed to heal wounds, to conquer all, wasn't it? And yet, thanks to that piece of filth, Rory had to watch his sweet believer girl suffer through no fault of her own and know that all the love, closeness and support he could give her wasn't enough. Not for this.

Leaving Pippa with Mr. Beaker curled at her side, Rory walked into the living room, pulling his cell phone from his jeans pocket. He checked the time before calling up his contact list. Eleven in the morning ... Abby would probably be at work by now. Well, he could leave a message if she wasn't free. Pippa needed help that he couldn't give, and Abby was the only person he trusted to ask for some direction.

Keeping one ear tuned for the sounds of Pippa stirring, Rory listened to the dial tones with the other.

Comments

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

Abby wasn't at work. She was still sitting on the balcony at Cait's. Not doing anything, just sitting. Sitting and trying not to think. Willing herself to be numb.

Then the phone rang. She must have ended the previous call out of habit, she didn't recall actually disconnecting. Lifting her cell to her ear, she didn't bother looking at the display before hitting the green 'send' button that would let her pick up the new call. "Yeah...?"

The word was rasped, her throat dry from too many cigarettes smoked and not enough tears shed. "I thought you were taking him up to surgery?"

She assumed it was someone from Chicago calling her back, as promised.

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

Both Abby's words and her tone caught Rory by surprise. Him? Was she talking about a patient?

"Hello, Abby ... it's Rory. Sorry if I've interrupted something." He slipped so quickly into apologies these days. "If you're waiting on another call, I can try back later."

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

Rory...she sighed as she recognized his voice. It wasn't anything he'd done wrong, just...she wasn't in the mood for their usual friendly banter. And why in the world was he calling her? If she'd been thinking clearly she might have made the logical leap to his girlfriend being her unofficial patient but as it stood--

"No, no...it's nothing urgent." Not any more. Pratt was merely undergoing surgery so that the UNOS team could harvest his remaining viable organs. Not urgent, only heartbreaking. "What's up?"

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

Rory dropped onto the couch and rested his elbows on his knees. "It's Pippa," he said softly, willing his throat to keep from tightening. "She's in a spiral of depression, fear and self-anger. Plus she's been having nightmares. She needs more help than I can give her, but I'm not sure how to persuade her to get professional help. And I've no idea who to recommend even if I could persuade her."

He raked the fingers of his free hand through his hair, then rubbed his tense forehead. "I'd be grateful for any guidance you can give me."

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

As she listened to him, Abby had to bite back the desire to ask if he had really expected anything different to happen. Not helpful, Abby. She reminded herself as she tried to focus. She didn't want to be a doctor, not right now. Didn't seem like life was going to give her that option today.

"Well...her physical injuries have healed, that was the easy part, Rory." She had tried to warn him about this weeks ago, at the outset, that Pippa wasn't going to bounce back from this quickly. "Now she has the time and the mental capacity to dwell on what happened. It's not uncommon for attack victims to exhibit--"

She cut herself off, she wasn't lecturing a fourth year med student or too eager intern. This was a...friend. Family. "Look, she's been through hell and back, I don't have to tell you that. She's going to need to work through this before she can move on. Ideally, she won't try to go it alone but..." Another sigh, she needed to level with him. "Do you want professional advice here or my personal experience? I can give you both."

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

A faint huff that tried to be a laugh but didn't really come close slipped out as Rory shifted to rubbing the back of his neck. "I think that would be all of the above."

His eyes shifted toward the hallway leading to Pippa's bedroom. "Part of the time she seems determined to push even me away. In my head I know why, but--" He winced at the sudden crack in his voice. "--I feel so helpless."

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

"Do you know why or are you just assuming you know?" She is so glad she stuck with emergency medicine even after being offered a place in psych. Picking people apart wasn't something she enjoyed when it came to real matters. "You obviously know her better than I do, but if she's not talking about things, I don't think you should be trying to second guess what's going on in her head. Don't make things worse than they are."

Her eyes closed as his voice cracked. Helpless. Join the club, it's the theme for the day. "You aren't helpless. You're doing something right now, aren't you? I know it's frustrating and it's going to take time...more if she is willing to work with people who want to help her."

Abby knew all about the impediment of being stubborn.

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

This time it was Rory who had to clamp down on a spurt of irritation. He was already admitting his ignorance and asking for help ... but Abby knew what she was talking about, so he kept his frustration behind his teeth.

"I'm trying not to make too many assumptions, Abby," he replied, "but she has said that she just wants to get away from everything that reminds her of what happened. Thanks to that damn CD, that includes my voice. God knows I can't blame her."

He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "She can have all the time in the world, as far as I'm concerned. Whatever she needs to recover. But I'm not sure how much time she's willing to give herself."

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

"You're the only one she wanted, the only person she kept asking for." Her voice softened with the gentle reminder, the last thing she wanted was him to start hosting his own pity party. "Is she having some unpleasant associations? Yes...and she probably will for a very long time." Maybe always. Abby bit her lip before continuing, "I'm still neurotic about locking the deadbolt, someone pounding on a door is enough to make me jump out of my skin and the sound of a kettle whistle sets me on edge and it's been...five years."

Five years since her neighbor, a pissed off abusive monster in his own right, had attacked and pummeled her, broke her nose and sent her halfway across her own apartment. Abby shook herself from the memory and cleared her throat. "I've been where she is, Rory, to a certain extent. More than once. Some things will probably always trigger memories for her and the best you and she can hope for is learning how to cope with them when it happens."

And that's so far down the road from now it wasn't going to help Pippa today or tomorrow. "You're right, she needs to talk to someone and I'm more than willing to help her find the right fit, I just wish I knew someone here that could help. If I were in Chica--Chicago..." Her voice caught on the word, if only she were in Chicago. "The head of psych here is a total shithead."

And as she thought about what Pippa would need, Abby swore quietly. "This is going to be a bitch, you know that? I think you and I and shit, your father should probably discuss a few things before anyone tries to sell Pippa on talking to a therapist. We need to get a few things straight."

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

And it's his name she calls at night when she's frightened, his arms she wants ... "I know she still loves me. I don't doubt that. But it hurts to see her pushed and pulled like this."

He swallows hard at Abby's brief touch on a time she was attacked. "You too. I'm ... God, I'm sorry." Not that Abby needs or wants his pity, but he hates the thought of those he loves being hurt so. He wonders if Da knows. Best not to say anything until he finds out.

Things. Yes, Rory suspects he knows exactly what things Abby means. "I can come over anytime that would be convenient, Abby. Pippa's my first priority." Over even his own life or freedom, if it came to that.

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

She shrugs off his sympathy, "Over and done with. Shit happens." Hah, sure act like it doesn't bother you...it's part of the reason you fled Chicago in the first place.

"Um...sooner rather than later would be better." Dammit, she still hadn't told work, Ruairi or well...anyone. "I'm going to be heading back to Chicago for a few days."

She doesn't want to tell him why, Rory doesn't need her grief on top of what he's already coping with. She only hopes her voice doesn't sound too strained and that she can keep from being distracted long enough to help him and Pippa.

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

Rory does hear that trace of strain, that particular note of Something Has Happened that he's gotten too damn familiar with of late. He won't ask for details, though. Not right now.

"I could come over this afternoon or evening for a little while. Either that or tomorrow morning." He doesn't want to leave Pippa alone any longer than he has to, but he also knows she doesn't want to be treated like an invalid. Dilemmas.

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

"I'll be here." Abby wipes at her face again, when had the tears resumed falling? "This afternoon or tonight, unless you enjoy watching me run around like a maniac while I pack."

She's trying for humor, but really, the sooner she can get things under control in both cities (because Abby always needs to feel in control) the better. "She's all right being left alone?"

The doctor is guessing at Rory's problem of the moment, she hasn't talked to Pippa much beyond how the woman is feeling physically and making sure she has the sleeping pills Abby suspects she isn't taking often enough.

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

His hand scrubs across his forehead once more. "She swings back and forth, to be honest," he sighs. "But Cait has offered to stop by anytime she wants or needs company. I'll check before I come over."

Leaning forward again, he starts massaging the back of his neck. "I can be there by four, if that works for you."

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

Abby nods as if he can see her. "That's fine. I'm really not going anywhere." She pauses and snorts softly, "I'm not sure I can, I think my ass is numb. Don't ever sit on your sister's balcony all morning."

What she is going to do between now and then, besides somehow manage to get up off her rear end, is call Ruairi and work as well as the airlines and people back in Chicago one more time. "Rory, it's only been a little over a month...it will get better."

[fey-fire.livejournal.com]

That she can offer him reassurance when he can hear tears behind her voice only reinforces in Rory's mind how glad he is that Da found her. "Thank you, Abby," he husks. "I know that's true ... but it helps to hear it from someone else."

Another sigh, this one less depressed and more determined. "I'll see you at four."

[abbytude.livejournal.com]

Doctor first, take care of everyone else then worry about yourself--Abby's always been good at that. "Anytime. See you."

She hangs up the phone and tells herself to call the hospital, her significant other, her best friend...then promptly ignores her own orders to smoke another cigarette and wait for four o'clock to roll around.